2018 was a big old ball of ups and downs. And when I say ups and downs, I mean high highs and low lows.
It’s human nature to want to control our own lives. We try so hard to control this thing, that person and that outcome but it rarely ever works. Actually, does it ever work? As much as I know that God is in control and that His will will be done in my life, I still try to tweak a few things, ya know?
When I want to go this way and God is saying, “no, no, no you’re going that way”, I fight it. I don’t want to go that way. That’s the hard way, the uphill way, the ‘I have to change way’.
God’s way can be tough. It’s tough while we’re going through it and while we’re growing in the process. But we always come out on the other end of God’s plan more fulfilled, stronger, happier, more compassionate and way closer to who He wants us to be. His plan is always the best way.
Let me back up a little and give you a little 2018 backstory. 2018 was probably one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. It was a “learning” year. Not just a teeny weeny learning year, a big fat learning year full of pity parties (not my finest hour) and anxiety. Now 2018 started amazing and exactly how I pictured it in my mind. Dan and I rented an adorable home where I did all the wifey tasks and loved them. Then, as most of you know we left our rental to live in our van. Here we come van life, a full year of van life! Well…that’s what we planned on.
Van life was amazing! We traveled the east coast seeing the most beautiful places and spending every waking moment together as husband and wife. It was unreal. We were doing something people only dream of doing and we were loving it.
As amazing as it was, our first van trip only lasted a couple months because well, we didn’t budget our money well. This is where MY life plan started to crumble and God’s plan took over.
God’s plan doesn’t always look pretty. Dan and I came back to Michigan to save money and rebuild. We had no home. We sold all of our furniture. We had one car, the van. I wasn’t bringing in consistent money and we were just crap out of luck. We ended up moving in with my mother in law (bless her heart) and said to ourselves, “we’ll only be here a month”. In case you’re wondering, we’re still here.
These last six months have been hard. It’s hard being a married couple and living with a parent. As much as we love and appreciate the hospitality, it’s not always easy. We have two cars again but for a while Dan took the van to work and I was stuck at home. He had to work so much, I rarely ever saw him. Life seemed to take such a 180 turn and so fast, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around. My life wasn’t going the way I wanted it to at all. Everything seemed out of my control and that is when the anxiety started rolling in. Bad.
I let my anxiety run the show. It was rare for me to have an anxiety free day. And you know where all that was stemming from? Trying to continue to control my life. Dan’s too for that matter.
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” John 14:6
Towards the end of a long, tough season you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You start to understand what God was trying to teach you in the valley. You become stronger, wiser and more capable of handling curveballs thrown your way. It took me almost six months to see any light at all. I felt the darkness this last year but always knew Jesus was close by. Sometimes the only thing you can cling to during hard times is just knowing Jesus is molding you. Molding you into a kick booty woman who can handle anything life throws her way.
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance” Psalm 32:7
Jesus opened my eyes this last month. He’s reminded me and shown me that His plan is and always will be the best plan for my life and marriage, even when I don’t understand it in the moment. He’s taught me to be more compassionate, selfless, tough, and most of all, has taught me to never forget what matters most in this life.
Dan and I made it through a really tough season and came out loving each other more than before and that is just proof that Jesus knows what he’s doing. I mean it, He really knows what He’s doing.
If you’re feeling stuck, lost, confused, sad, anxious or any other yucky feeling, this is your sign to KEEP GOING! DON’T YOU GO AND GIVE UP ON ME NOW! God hasn’t forgotten about you. He’s molding you just like He’s molding Dan and I. He loves you way too much to keep you stuck in the valley with no way out. Keep praying, keep pushing forward, keep telling that anxiety to buzz off, keep listening for God’s voice, keep walking through the open doors and keep being you!
When the weight of the world seems too heavy to carry, don’t forget to give it to God. He’ll carry it for you. God’s plans are so good. His plans for you are way better than any you can fathom or any plan you try and control. Rest easy knowing God’s got this!
Here’s to 2019! Let’s take what we learned in 2018 and be better, love more, follow our dreams, take more risks and remember God’s plan for you and for me is amazing.
PS- If you’re interested in my outfit, here are the links! Both are from ChicWish!